Everyone has their way of expressing love – or a different love language. Identifying our own and the other person’s love languages will help us learn to love a person more thoroughly and effectively.
Have you ever been in a relationship where, despite your best efforts to care, your partner frequently complains that you are too careless? Do you ever look at the happiness of other couples and wonder why you aren’t loved the same way?
If you’ve been in these or similar situations, chances are you’re both using the wrong type of love “language” when communicating with each other. Let’s find out what love language is and why it’s important in a relationship with Fika!
What is a Love Language?
The term “Love Language” was first introduced to the public through the book “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts” by author Gary Chapman. Love language is not just words, but is also how a person expresses and experiences when in love and what they want in their partner. With more than 30 years of experience in marriage counseling, Gary Chapman has identified 5 types of love languages, and to find out which language group you (and your partner) belong to, you can spend a few minutes taking The Love Language Quiz test here.
The following are the most common types of love languages:
1. Words of Affirmation
We frequently believe that words fly away, or that we are too shy to express our feelings to our partner. However, words have the same ability to echo as actions, assisting in the transmission of positive spiritual values as well as immense love. If a person belongs to this love language group, they will be overjoyed when they receive compliments and words of appreciation like “I love you,” “This hair color suits you so well,” or “couple.” Words that are heartless, insulting, or critical, on the other hand, will severely harm those who “speak” this language.
Tip: If your lover is in the “Words of Affirmation” group, give them compliments, encouragement, and emotional expressions daily.
2. Art of Service
Do you believe that cleaning the house is also a way to show affection? For those in the “Gestures of Service” language group, they will always want to do everything they can to help ease the burden on their loved ones and, conversely, feel the most loved when the other person does the same for them. These can be very simple actions such as watering a plant, getting up early to prepare breakfast for a special occasion, or giving them a massage when the other person is tired, for example. On the other hand, being lazy or pushing off responsibility will also easily make them feel depressed, and it will gradually lead to separation in the love of both parties.
Tip: If your lover speaks this language, take the initiative to ask questions, and offer to help and share work!
3. Gift Giving
For some people, giving and being given gifts is also a way of showing love. However, don’t be in a hurry to equate them as materialists. As Dr. Chapman says, “the person who likes to receive the gift will care about the love, thoughtfulness, and meaning behind the gift[ rather than the external material.” For this group of people, what they need is not something expensive, but the effort the giver puts into the gift. They will easily feel happy when given gifts on important occasions and will be even more pleased if suddenly receiving small items such as a drink you make yourself on a day that is nothing special.
Tip: Take note every time they talk about their favorite things and make a list of important holidays and anniversaries so you don’t forget to buy gifts!
4. Quality Time
People who speak this language assume that time is the most important thing in love, but it’s not simply that the two of you sit side by side, but that during that time both parties must truly feel happy, connected, and caring for each other. Therefore, pay attention not to let yourself be distracted by external factors such as TV, phone, or work when you and your partner are spending time together because this will make them feel disrespected and unloved.
Tip: Make a pre-scheduled time so you can both arrange your work and skip all the distractions or interruptions on your date. Also, ask your partner what they want to do so that you can enjoy your quality time together!
5. Physical Touch
Cuddling is the most basic love language for some people, without which they feel unloved and empty. Even simple actions like holding hands while walking down the street, a pat on the back, or an early morning kiss are all ways to express the love, care, and protection that they want to show to each other and vice versa.
Tip: Always remember and take the initiative to cuddle your partner as an expression of affection!
Why is it Important for Couples to Understand Each Other’s Language?
Most of us have one or two languages that distinguish us from others, and no two languages are alike. This leads to a major issue: the likelihood of a couple speaking the same language when they fall in love is extremely low, and it is also a source of arguments and long-term separation.
For a simple example, if you speak the “Acts of Service” language when in love, always needing attention and thoughtful gestures, and your partner is in the “Quality Time” group, you will most likely irritate your partner if you keep looking at your phone while you are both sitting together. You will also feel unloved if your partner does not actively help with housework when you are pressed for time. As a result, it is critical to learn and understand how to express your love and change directions in a relationship so that both of you can adjust to each other.
One of Fika’s core values is to connect people in the most genuine and meaningful ways possible. As a result, Fika hopes that the above article will provide you with additional information to help you cultivate a wonderful relationship.
Let’s work together to create a civilized and healthy dating environment with Fika!