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How Many Dates Before Sex?

May 10 2022

What is the acceptable number of dates before sex is involved? Most men will try for it on the first date. However, it's more complicated for some women. Traditionally, there was a "3-date rule" in the West, but many dating psychologists have conducted surveys and have concluded that this rule is no longer relevant in the 21st century.

A study of 11,000 unmarried couples in the US showed that 38% had sex on the first date or first week of dating, while 51% waited a few weeks. It's easy to conclude that everyone has different rules and boundaries. Some think having sex on the first date strengthens a relationship, while some want to know it's serious before being intimate. 

So, how do you know when you're ready? Fika doesn't believe there's a specific number or formula that's right for everyone, but if you can answer these questions honestly, they'll help you decide for yourself.



Are you ready?

If you feel you're ready for an intimate relationship, discuss it with your partner. Sometimes you are ready, but the other isn't, or vice versa, resulting in bad situations and experiences. A frank discussion is essential.

What does sex mean to you?

For some, sex is about love and commitment. Still, others may see it as merely a physical experience, so defining how important sex is to both of you will help you and your partner decide when is the right time in the relationship. 

Do you consent?

The safe that Fika mentions here is both physical and emotional. This is the last but most important question that you and your partner need to discuss. If either feels uncomfortable or pressured into it, it's not "safe." Sex needs passion, excitement, and consent from both partners - this is non-negotiable.

Finally, there's no study or rule that requires you to go to bed with your partner at a certain point in your dating journey. The right time is up to you, your body, your decision. If there are principles, they are mutual respect, understanding of each other's wishes, and self-respect. When you clearly understand these things, sex will become a wonderful experience that brings you a feeling of complete happiness.

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