Category: Dating tips

4 Minutes, 20 Women: Does This Math Really Match Up?

By John T.

As I walk into the venue I’m given a name tag and tread apprehensively across the bar floor, quietly attempting to discern those looking for love from the people merely supping post-work beers and cocktails. I’m apprehensive to approach anybody.

“Hello sir, are you here for speed dating?” asks a waitress. A moment’s hesitation is quickly followed by a nod before she reveals that I’m entitled to two free drinks — presumably for Dutch courage and to help alleviate any pre-date jitters.

Clutching my drink, I eventually head over to my fellow speed-daters. The scene resembles a junior high school prom with the men and women grouped separately in opposing corners. Apparently, I’m not the only one feeling a tad self-conscience.

Minutes of awkward small talk pass before the organizers bring the two tribes together to explain the rules and format of the night’s event. It’s straightforward stuff — ladies stay stationary, men rotate every four minutes and both are given a piece of paper to tick boxes of those they’d like to meet again. If any matches are made, contact details are emailed the next day and everyone presumably lives happy ever after. We’re told to have fun and are encouraged to be as offbeat as possible in order to avoid repeatedly asking the standard questions such as “What do you do?”, “Where are you from?” and “What do you like to do at the weekend?”

And with that we’re off. I take a seat opposite my first date and catch her off guard by immediately asking what animal she’d like me to be and what color she thinks Tuesday is. Obviously confused by my unexpected line of catechism, date number one gets off to more of a stutter than a canter.

Proceedings gradually improve over the remaining dates, with an array of disparate personalities providing a variety of conversation. The four-minute time limit increasingly feels shorter with each girl I meet, leaving some encounters on a tantalizing knife-edge that could provide the right amount of bait required for a second rendezvous. Also, the pensive atmosphere that initially smothered the evening has dissipated; the room is full of chatter, laughter and smiles, and everyone appears to be having fun.

Micro Dates

Interestingly, a majority of the women participating are Vietnamese and all of the men are foreign which, unfortunately, means that those clichéd conversation fillers inevitably arise.

“A lot of expat men complain that they find it difficult to find women who are independent, interesting, attractive, and who they can converse with,” she says.

Adding, “The role of women is also changing rapidly in Vietnam, particularly in urban areas. There are more professional, educated and financially independent Vietnamese women than ever before. Some of these women actually face challenges with Vietnamese men who are not prepared to let go of traditional and aging ideas about the role of women”.

Following the end of my micro-dates, I can’t say I’ve made a true love connection, however, a few trends have been spotted. Most of the participants are young professionals working in high-pressured and long-hour jobs such as sales, marketing, events and advertising, and are generally in their mid-to-late 20s and 30s. While finding it generally easy to meet people in Saigon’s chaotic bars and nightclubs, most struggle to make meaningful connections with people, either romantically or otherwise, in a relaxed setting.

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He Said, She Said: What does it mean when none of a guy’s profile photos on his dating app show his face?

By Brett Davis and Christine Van

He Said:

Well, the obvious conclusion to jump to is that the guy has a face that looks like a bulldog chewing a wasp. Or a dropped pie. Or a smacked ass. Take your euphemisms as you choose. But that is only one of the possibilities and so it is worth considering some of the alternatives. 

First of all, it could be a fake account. I have no idea why any sentient human being would waste their time creating accounts like that (see: catphishing), but I guess everyone needs a hobby. 

The other reason is that the guy might be married or in a relationship and is wanting to test the waters without being stumbled upon by someone he knows. Although if that person happens to be his current partner, questions could be asked as to why she is cruising a dating site.

Or, finally, it could be as simple as the fact that women do not have a monopoly on being self-conscious when it comes to their appearance. A female perspective, C?

She Said:

Men are feral. They refuse to understand the simple etiquette of online dating, which is to post a photo of yourself. So, if you swipe right on a no-face profile then expect a dick pic coming at you. Even a self-conscious woman will have her mug up there, albeit, filtered as hell, but at least there’s a semblance of a human underneath.

A self-conscious man in Vietnam? Please introduce me to him and I’ll match him with the spotted unicorn I just met.

He Said:

Look, I still think the likelihood with a no-photo guy is they just have no confidence in how they look. But here is the thing, actually read their profile. If you listen to what the guy says, you might just find him funny, charming and engaging. Then you can move on to photos. Just don’t make pictures a priority.

So, to our questioner, I would say this: Talk to the guy, get to know him first, and then see what he looks like. Sure, looks are important, it would be disingenuous to suggest otherwise, but it is a balance between looks and personality that prevails.

Finally, guys, and this goes to C’s point, here is a hard and fast rule: Never, never, ever, ever send a dick pic to a girl who has not seen your penis in real life. Just no arguments on this. A dick pic with someone you have been intimate with is kinda sexy and fun, but someone you have never been naked with is just seven kinds of creepy.

I’m not kidding around here, listen up.

She Said:

I agree with B, what’s important is a balance of looks and personality; however, with so many profiles to swipe through men should want to improve their chances. He’s got a face like a bulldog? I love dogs, I have two. Even a dropped pie gets a second chance. Remember the five-second rule? There’s a face for everyone and, of course, no one can tell from a photo alone if they’re the one for you but it’s a good start.

Guys, here’s some solid advice: Women love a confident man so, go ahead, turn the camera around and take that selfie (pose with a cute pup or kitten; this will guarantee a swipe, trust me).

(Shameless plug: All Fika users are 100 percent verified.)

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Cinderella Syndrome: A fairy tale that is just that

The gentle, beautiful Cinderella met the prince of her life, and then lived a happy life that only exists in fairy tales. But in real life, Cinderella is named for a psychological complex in women, expecting life to happen like a fairy tale.

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What To Do If Your Partner Has Covid-19

Have you ever considered what would happen if your partner told you they were positive for COVID? What are the things you should do to help your partner through such a difficult time?

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What Are the 5 Love Languages? How to Become a Better Partner

Identifying our own and the other person’s love languages will help us learn to love a person more thoroughly and accurately.

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How to avoid conflict while working from home with your partner

Work from home at first sounds very comfortable and happy, but in reality, it’s not as simple as you think, and especially, for couples who live together. To work effectively and help your relationship get over all the challenges of working from home, please refer to the following tips in Fika’s article.

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“New Dawn Daters” – Adjusting to single lives during the pandemic

“New dawn daters” is a new trend that has appeared in recent times. We can all agree that the pandemic has ended some of the dating habits of the past. Unfortunately, if your relationship ends at this point, you are a “new dawn dater”. So what does this phrase mean? Let’s see the following article with Fika!

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The Only Correct Way to Reply to Women’s First Message

The number of women opening the conversation on dating apps has increased. Fika encourages women to be more proactive in online dating.

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What to do when you are just an “option”?

You want to take the relationship to the next step, but you are just an option as your partner is still flirting with other people. What would you do?

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What men need to know about women’s psychology when dating

Men and women are born with different biological characteristics, leading to differences in psychology when dating.

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